Friday and the end of another work week, just like all previous work weeks. Not that I’m complaining. Expecting something different would be the definition of insanity.
We’re in the throes of a national identity crisis caused by claims that all white people are racist. White people can’t not be racist. You’ve probably seen this video clip making the rounds:
Anyone can see that the most profoundly disturbing part of Ashleigh Shackelford’s presentation is that all the white people sit there and let her talk to them like that. Seriously—are they so unsure of who they are that they’re afraid to stand up and walk out?
The problem with the notion that all whites are racist is that anything and everything white people created or helped create reflects their racial power and oppression of other races. Therefore it must all be criticized and rejected.
And, of course, if you adopt a practice from a different culture, you are a racist. For instance, did you know that whites who own a dog are racist? I am not making this up:
“If you are white and own a dog, you are openly participating and advocating for cultural appropriation and colonialism. Reinforcing this culture is NOT acceptable and will come with its repercussions.
“Dogs are and always will be the living reminder of how tainted our history is as a whole. POC deserve to exclusively own dogs as a form of restitution for their stolen ancestor’s work. Supporting the idea of white dog ownership is spitting on the grave of past POC generations.”
Also the author clearly rejects logic and good writing as racist.
How about classical music? Did you know that Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony is now considered racist because of “the wealthy white men who embraced Beethoven and turned his symphony into a symbol of their superiority and importance”? And that’s just the start.
The parody Twitter account, Titania McGrath, has documented dozens of these ludicrous assertions. “THINGS THAT ARE RACIST (Part 27)” was the last one posted, but I’ve read them all so you don’t have to. Here, for your edification, I have procured a list of the top ten things that are racist from McGrath’s collection.
TOP TEN THINGS THAT ARE RACIST
10. Cosmic Objects
9. Bedrooms
8. Milk
7. Coronavirus (Chinese Lung Pox)
6. Rock Music
5. Math
4. Front Lawns
3. Jogging
2. Air Pollution
1. Traffic Signals
Of course, this list is racist since I am white and created it. It probably reflects what I find humorous, thereby excluding humor that appeals to blacks, Hispanics and Asians, and thus reinforces my own sense of superiority and elitism. And, because this racist list is the focus of this blog post, this is the most racist thing I’ve ever written.
Have a great weekend.
#10. I guess NASA is going to have to hunt for deep-sky objects that bear a resemblance to distinctively black cultural items:
The Jheri Curl cluster
The Hiphop Nebula
Comet “Bro-comb”
etc.
#9. In computer science you used to have master and slave servers, but then this happened:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master/slave_(technology)
As for blacklisting people, I think the popular replacement term is “shit list.” Everyone is on someone else’s shit list.
#8. I somehow can’t imagine a cow or goat squirting out black milk. Black cows and black women produce white milk. Decaying organic matter, on the other hand, turns very black… pretty sure that’s just physics, and besides, I’m not too sure dairies could stay in business adding artificial black food coloring to milk. Eeeewww!
#7. The Chinese Lung Pox attacking inner-city Blacks disproportionately MAY say more about their looser lifestyle than it does about the discriminatory prowess of the virus? Just hazarding a guess.
#6. The most easily refuted of all these points. I’ve got two words for them: Jimmi Freaking Hendrix, who, coincidentally, died 50 years ago today (ept. 18, 1970!)
#5. I have seen professors trying to maintain this line of reasoning, that is, that performing math is a racist endeavor. Damn. I think I just profaned the word “reason.” Anyway, it seems if you were adding three multiculturalists to four multiculturalists, or multiplied five abolitionists by 11 abolitionists, that you could totally reverse the losses of subtracting two slaves from six slaves. And, btw, who said the slaves had to be black?
#4. Front lawns?????????? Does the ultimate racist-in-chief (in the minds of the Left) have a front lawn at Trump Towers in Chicago? If there is, it must be incredibly small. Downtown real estate comes at too high a price to waste on lawns. But of all the 1% blacks in Beverly Hills or Malibu, or Laguna, don’t they ALL have massive front lawns?!
#3. Jogging has always excluded Black people. Hmmm… apparently Ahmaud Arbery didn’t get that memo. Nor did all the NFL, NBA, NHL, NCAA blacks who routinely jog as part of their daily exercise regimen.
#2. Regarding exposure to air pollution, however true it may be that minorities are more likely to live downwind of chimneys, it is also a fact that whites are slightly more likely to contract lung cancer than blacks: White 56.1 compared to Black 55.5 people per 100,000.
#1. The “white dude” on traffic signals is not a source of pride… did you happen to notice that he is either naked or in white shirt, pants, and belt? Which is easier to believe, that he has an unlimited supply of white clothes, or that he’s butt naked and hurrying across the street to find some clothes?
I think you should start your own blog. That’s very funny!
I don’t have the self-discipline to write as regularly as you do… it’s always easier to respond than to create 🙁
You two brothers are both so funny, and intelligent, master-word-crafters, that you crack me up! 🤣😂😁
In my humble opinion, all the new rules for “racial sensitivety” are as logical and common sense as all the new rules for LGBTQIA+ pronouns, etc.! In other words, they’re not. (If all the “new rules” people put as much time and effort into solving real life problems, the world would be much better place.)
God created white people white. This does not make whites superior, it just makes whites, white. Do some whites act superior and racist? Yes. But that makes those whites evil and racists, not all whites.
God created black people black. This does not make blacks inferior, it just makes blacks, black. Do some blacks act inferior and racist, so they can blame whites for all problems? Yes. But that makes those blacks in denial and racist, not all blacks.
You get the gist of what I’m saying so I won’t go on. Let’s solve some real problems:
Why are there hurricanes, but no himicanes? Women can’t get all the blame…
Why are cars and boats referred to as her and she, but not him and he?
Why do we sing hymns at church, but not hers?
Oh…, my head is starting to hurt!
Hi Carol, thanks for your response. Jim is my cousin and, yes, he’s very intelligent and funny! We look at the world very differently, but we often enjoy a good laugh together. It’s a blessing to have that. Dave